sweet memories

I don't understand.

I don't know all the answers.

I face challenges and my mind has questions.

...but I know the One who understands

I know the One with all the answers

The very same one who helps me through challenges and provides peace to my questioning.

That One is God through Jesus Christ.

My grandfather passed away this week. For about 9 years, he battled with Alzheimer's to the point he was verbally unresponsive, and finally until his body shut down. Intense stuff. As a child of about 13, watching the goofy smiling man who used to give me the giggles forget my name and act differently was puzzling. Still to this day, I do not know the answers. I don't know why he was trapped inside that body as his memory slowly went downhill. I'm not sure why my grandmother had to watch the man she fell in love with disappear from the body that held her, comforted her, and protected her through years of raising children and other trials. I. don't. know.

But this isn't the first mystery I've struggled with. I don't understand fully how any person could be so selfish to cause the death of another person. Cruel. But I did. I'm not sure whether you've realized it or not, but you have too. All sinners have...since humans are born into a world of sin, all humans have. That person whose death we collectively caused was Christ. The most innocent, perfect, giving, and selfless person to ever live on this earth...He died. It's my fault. If my sins alone had been added up, I would need the blood to have them forgiven. He died on my behalf...how selfless He was. The great news is that He died for all sinners to be forgiven and have the promise of eternal life in Heaven with Him...so that goes for your sins too. (John 3:16- "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.")

This changes my perspective. I didn't LOSE my grandfather, I gained an opportunity. I started out my life at negative--deserving nothing. I was born with Hell as my destiny--what can I say, I'm human and I was bound for sin... I deserve nothing. NOTHING. But because of Christ's great love and sacrifice nearly 2000 years ago, I can have the hope of eternal life. He's given me something, and that something is great.

So I look at it like this: anything I have above and beyond my birth date and end date is a blessing, far beyond what I deserve. So I thank God for the 22 years of my life that I had with my grandfather. I thank God that Pappaw was a great role model that worked until his the skin on his hands were calloused, but not so much to callous his heart. Pappaw provided and he loved. I thank the God of the Heavens for a family that loves so much that we're going to go strong through this--we're going to cry together, laugh together, and remember together in honor of the great man that was my grandfather. I thank God for the work ethic that has been instilled in me as a result of the great leadership of this family...one could say it was the actions of my grandfather that caused reactions in my parents that caused the lessons that have led to me having all the sweet results of my labor in life. I thank God for the 13 or so years of my life that I got to spend with my Pappaw at his very best, and what he continued to teach me down the road to the days where the twinkle of his eye was his only response. God, I thank you for Pappaw and all he meant to me and my family. I thank you, Pappaw, for all you were, and I hope to see you again in Heaven some day. My heart will continue to be warmed by sweet memories of your smile, your humor, your strength.

To close out, I don't always understand. But I don't have to. Two things that I must understand in this life are the salvation of Christ I can accept (Romans 10:9) and the promise of sweet Heaven that is to come. And in honor of my Pappaw, a few of my favorite smile-making quotes,

"Eight Skate and Donate"

"Six tall seven foot sycamore saplings, opossum up a stump. He's been stealing, all my chickens, now I'm gunna kick his rump."

I love you Pappaw. I praise God that you finally are out of your bodily prison and resting in peace.

Please pray for my family during this time.