your stomach growls when it needs something, but what does your heart sound like when it needs something...a heart growl?

So I wrote this like 2 months ago incomplete and saved it to my drafts. Found it today, added a bit. Interesting how God completes things in His timing...and that's another blog on it's own.

Cold chills. That's what I get when I think about it. My heart breaks, my mind wanders and wonders. Sometimes I break out into tears. It's that intense, but some will never understand. The reactions I describe are all in response to the feelings I get when some of those I love dearest come to mind. What is it, you ask, that would cause such a response--quite surely something must be wrong with those that I love then? I'd rather not put it that something is 'wrong', but that all is not 'right' with them. Follow my train of thought.



I am a Christian. As a Christian, one of the fundamental beliefs is that ALL have fallen short of the glory of God and need Christ's forgiveness through His blood sacrifice on the cross to cover our sins. There are only 2 options to this one--either you have been covered by the blood (that is to say, you've accepted Christ's forgiveness for your sins) or you have not. One leads to Hell and one to Heaven. So the reason why I sometimes hurt inside or get down is because some of those I love dearest have not accepted Christ. This means the worst case scenario and eternal separation.

I try my best to be a beacon of hope, of light, and an example of endurance to them, but no matter how hard I try I will never have control over whether or not they accept Christ. And though that's painful to think about, that's the beauty of the Gospel of Christ--free will. It's your choice...each of us get a chance to decide our future and our fate. So, though sometimes it's hard for me to understand that I can't fix the pain, suffering, and future fate of those around me, I have to appreciate that I had the same choice and to continue to pray that they make the right one.

I'll admit, and it may sound silly to some, but I have shed tears when I watch those I love most make horrible choices. I don't cry in pain for them because they haven't chosen 'my set of beliefs' as some may call it. In fact, it's not nearly selfish at all. If I truly believe that there are consequences for me if I do not accept Christ, and I believe that it applies to ALL people, not just one group or those people I have odds against, etc., then logically that means even those I love, even those I consider fantastic people, will be exposed to the same fate. So, that is why it hurts me. I have learned that I can never change a person but only hope to influence them to change theirself. And that is what I strive to do, day in and day out. Because I love people so hard it hurts my insides and squeezes tears out. I just want the best for you...not to strap some set of rules and regulations on you, not to take all the fun away (I don't think Christianity does that at all, in fact, I have a rather fun life)...I'm pulling for your best. I hope each and every one of those around me see that, and I hope someday you'll make the right choice. If all works out for us, I really want to party with you in Heaven :)

Neat enough too... on my way home today I heard this verse on the radio Psalm 126:5, "Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!" Kind of ties in perfectly, for in Heaven, whether everyone makes it there or not, there will be no more tears for those that do.