So I'm not sure how I feel about growing up. I'm not sure how I feel about having a blank slate. In China, they'd go crazy about this and snatch it up...freedom of choice for their life story!?!? They would so trade. Instead they are assigned majors IF they are accepted into college. Their story is planned, mine is not. They struggle in the life someone else gave them because their dreams are never fulfilled. I'm struggling to figure out just which dream I'm going to try to fulfill. It's silly really. I live in the best country in the world, and I'm stressing about what I'll be doing in a year. I'm applying to teach English in another country far worse off than my own home. In the back of my mind I'm thinking--is this what God wants me to do? Is this the best decision for my family--what about leaving my grandparents here lonely--they didn't take me being gone 6 weeks very well? Will I get homesick living by myself for a year without being fluent in the native language? Perhaps I'm not listening to what God is telling me?...does He want me elsewhere and I've clouded my view of His will with my own vision?...Questions. questions. questions.
I believe that good intentions can carry us far, and that they can certainly bless others in the process. I also believe, though, that if we align our good intentions with God's plan for our life then it will bless many, many more. It's kind of like walking into your backyard and planting a tree in the first place you find...it will grow, but may be weak and have a faded color because the soil isn't super rich. But if you plant the tree in pre-tilled, Miracle Grow treated soil, where the sun and rain hit just right the tree will grow stronger, healthier and more vibrant--perhaps even multiplying. That's like when we do good on our own time versus doing good in God's place and timing.
God's place and timing is something I've been faced with more recently. I've made some decisions hastily that looking back I wish I would have prayed about more and that I could change. Sometimes it's hard to accept His timing on things, and I just pray "why?" But I always come out on the other side saying, "Oh. Got it."...hind sight is 20/20 after all. Sometimes I get to a point where I'm impatient with waiting on God...I'm like 'move already'...and He's on the other end saying 'why don't you trust me and just sit still already?'
This morning was a rough morning. I woke up and faced again a tough decision I made concerning my future. I honestly have no idea where this decision will take me, how it will pan out, etc., but I didn't make it out of my wants, but out of what I thought was best for every party involved. Sometimes being selfless absolutely sucks. This was one of those times. Deep inside, I hope this decision (which I know I'm being very vague about) will pan out to bless both others and myself down the road. And that's what I'm pulling for--in the present to bless others and in the future to at least understand. I have decided I want to be as productive as possible with whatever number of days I have here on this earth--and being that I have no idea what that number is, I want to strive to make the most of EACH day. So when it comes down to productivity, wants often take a back seat....That leads me to another neat discussion though about adapting our wants to those of God.
John 14:13 says,'And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.' This doesn't say just asking, but asking in the name of Jesus. To me, it seems like it's pointing out that if it's important enough to attached Christ's name to, and you truly believe it's what would honor Him, THEN He'll make it happen. When we adjust our wants to those of our Father, or our desires so circulate around glorifying Him and showing others love through Him, then we have less wants that don't get accomplished, and we can more easily see His will and His plan for us. ...I'm working on this.
So I would appreciate you helping me pray through this year of tough decisions. Yes, I am very blessed with the freedom to decide and so many possibilities, but I want to make sure that I am doing what God wants me to so that I can glorify His name most, bless the most lives in the process, and in the back of my mind--yes--I'm still pulling for a happy me in the end. Seek God in your life and what He's trying to tell you...and help others along the way...many of the less fortunate have taught me greater life lessons than I ever learned in a sermon (even though sermons are great too). May He bless you richly.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
praying
Post a Comment